So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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