She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
