i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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