i already hear my dad disowning me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
