can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
