please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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