So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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