I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
