I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
