i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize