my mouth tastes like poor choices
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
