im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
