im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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