i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
