i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
