He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
