You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
