Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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