We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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