There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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