If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
