all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
