I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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