i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize