I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
