he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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