Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
