that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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