i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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