So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
