Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
