i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
