I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
