Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
