You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
