i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
