Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
