our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
