idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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