Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize