it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
