Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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