If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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