I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
