Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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