you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
