'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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