got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
