quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
