explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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