He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
