I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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