why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
