Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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