don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Rumble strips road head = magical
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
