dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
