just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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