whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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