why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
