Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
