im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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