brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
