just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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