It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
