areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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