I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was born a porn star she said
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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