he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize