If that was your dad, he is hot
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
